Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Prioritizing with My Man

From reading my marriage book, I've realized that I don't spend enough one-on-one time with my man.  My man will tell me- duh, Sarah!! I know we've talked about spending more time together, but it always just seems like something a wish list, and not something on a NEED list.  I have always felt guilty about going out and getting a babysitter or having grandparents or friends watch the kids. For some reason, leaving the house for a date night feels like a luxury.  I've come to the conclusion that it is NOT a luxury in marriage and shouldn't be treated as one.  It is a necessity of a healthy marriage.

One-on-one time with a spouse is not a luxury afforded to spoiled parents.  It is a choice made to make your spouse the top priority of your life for however much time you care to be one-on-one. So how much time is needed for couples to have a healthy marriage? I've read that 15 hours is needed per week of one-on-one time- and sleeping does not count! It seems a bit high too me. I wonder if watching a movie together counts toward that 15 hours?   At any rate, if that number is any where near accurate, I am going to need to book some more date nights stat!

How much one-on-one time do you think is needed for a healthy marriage? Please share!


Julie Cragon said...

This August is 25 years for us and I'm thinking we've never had 15hrs one-on-one time in a week since the first child was born. I'm guessing 7hrs is good for us since we work together every day.

Allison said...

Fifteen hours? No way. I would say at least an hour a day when you can grab it - could be sitting on the couch gabbing while the kids are asleep or otherwise occupied - but we can't be also watching TV and reading the paper and playing computer games,. So I thinkk 7 hours a week would be good to shoot for.

Sometimes, when things get really crunchy, Greg and I meet for lunch while the boys are in school. It is tough to do this with toddlers and babies but perhaps you can do a trade with a nearby family - we take your kids Friday nights and you take our Saturday - that sort of thing.

You don't have to spend money. Just hanging out is great.

Megan said...

I'd love to be able to get a couple hours out to ourselves once every other week...I think that would be great catch-up time. Some friends and I always say we're going to start a date night kid swap.
We have about two hours of quiet each night when the kids go down. We want to start allowing 1 hour for programming and one hour for chit-chat.
Now it's time to put all these "plans" into play!

Sarah Harkins said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks 15 hours is too much to ask! 7 hours sounds do-able. I wish I had more time in the evening when the kids go down, but we only have about a half an hour if they go to bed on time and if Eric doesn't have to go in to work early. Working the night shift really cuts into our alone time.
Megan- I like the idea of an hour of "unplugging" just to talk. That was hard to do when Eric wasn't working nights, but it's so important. Good Luck!

Mandy said...

wow, especially with a newborn, we hardly ever get alone time. And when the kids are finally down for the night, I am so exhausted I go to sleep!!! The way I try to look at it is, one day we will have all the time in the world to be alone and talk, but for now, we are at at time in our lives where we have very little time alone and we don't expect it to be any other way. BUT wouldn't a date night be nice once in a while??? !!! I need to find a good teenager babysitter who wants to make some $$.

Lacy @ Catholic Icing said...

The best we can swing around here is a hour a day. Also, my Catholic mother's group here has a babysitting co-op as well. We all trade baby sitting for 4 "points" per hour. This way we can all get out with our hubbies, have reliable help, and not break the bank. It really helps because we never used to go on dates before! :-)